Compartmentalization

I've been having a difficult time determining just what function this...thing...I've been writing should play.  Essentially my choices are between public account of my time away at school, and private diary-type record of my thoughts and feelings about the year to come. I suppose for some people that distinction might not be an issue, but I am uncomfortable making my true feelings about things widely known, and I think this particular format might be compounding that discomfort. There are lots of aspects of my leaving that I would like to be able to work through, but much fewer that I want people to know about. I suppose one solution is to keep this "blog" and not tell anyone about it, but that seems like some sort of violation of internet law. I could just keep a diary for myself, but frankly I fear that without regular interaction/appearances I will be forgotten by all of the friends I'm leaving behind.

Not that there are many of those. It is a mark of my shame.

The other problem is that, left to my own devices and desires, I tend to resort to blatant complaining. Since that's my most consistent way of interacting with my surroundings (dissatisfaction), it isn't out of the ordinary, but it could become..."irritating" is how most people I spend considerable amounts of time with have classified it. And with my second most likely default reaction to the world being feelings of guilt, I don't know that I want to consciously keep a record that I know is just going to irk people, and then be forced to feel bad about it.

I may also be overestimating the appeal of this thing to others, anyway. It's not as if the readership here is going to be particularly high, and I certainly have no way of forcing anyone to tune in, which would otherwise seem to be the quickest route to total impatience with me.

The fact remains that, for whatever reason, I want people to know what I'm doing, but not what I'm feeling. This will become especially true as I have my inevitable first-month meltdown.

I may need to rethink this venture.