Dedication, not so much

I just realized that it's been a while since my last confession (probably because I managed to keep myself busy enough to stave off blatant efforts at self pity or interest mongering), and I am concerned that keeping this going may involve more effort than anticipated. I am not good at committing to things that require a high level of personal accountability, without some sort of tangible, quantifiable result or reward. Also known as a grade.

So here's what's happened: I bought a plane ticket, but haven't heard two peeps regarding my visa. Um, a bold move. I can tell I'm committed to this course because the $1,000.00 ticket seemed like a pretty good deal, compared to what I'm about to spend on tuition and a glorified studio.

Also, last week at work, which might be the most exciting part of this entire process. I am not corporate. I wish it hadn't taken me so long to accept it. I can't imagine a worse place to spend my life.

Also, most everything is packed up. It isn't really fun this time, though. Usually I love to pack, the real life Tetris aspect of it. However, packing now signifies leaving everyone I know to embark on a course that I still feel is far from the norm, and far from a good idea. The last time I did this, packed up my entire life to move halfway around the world, everyone else was doing it, too. There's comfort in knowing that you are only doing what the rest of the world expects.

As an aside, I just made the funniest topical pun ever. I'm supposed to meet boy at a bar, and I suspected he meant the Scottish bar where we got nachos before. So I asked, "The scotchos bar?" And I CRACKED MYSELF UP. But neither he not my roommate seem to find that very funny. Assholes.

It's been a really good night with the roommate. We haven't hung out much and we've both been really stressed, so it's been easy to convince myself I'll adapt okay to not living with her anymore. But it's been five years that we've lived together. In cat years, that's a lifetime, and in people years it's almost a common-law marriage. Packing up the apartment has felt a bit like a divorce, with all the talk of yours and mine, and who is going to get the vacuum cleaner. We've lived together very, very well, and I think that might be one of the harder adjustments I am going to have to make.