Power jam

Right, so the last couple weeks kiiinda got away from me, with my research taking up a fair bit of time and my starvation budget taking a fair bit of my motivation to do anything other than lie in bed and wail. And I didn't think anyone would want to hear about that. At least, not in any detail.

But today I was offered an opportunity that I couldn't refuse. Can you tell me what combines lycra, obscenities, lace, ball-bearings, kneepads and black leather, all for a fiver? Actually, I hope none of you can, so I'll just tell you...ROLLER DERBY!

Yes, Edinburgh's very own league, the Auld Reekie Roller Girls (ARRG) had a bout against London today in a stadium that was 100 miles and a torrential downpour away from everything else in the city. So that was fun. When we finally got to the gym where they were playing, we were soaked, hungry and looking to see some elbows fly. Roller derby is one of those sports where everyone is there to see a nose get broken. It's a lot like if you put hockey and cheerleading in a barrel, threw in some angry bees and a lot of black eyeliner, and shook everything together. And then wrapped it in torn fishnet stockings.

Unfortunately, the lovely anarchic toughness that is so much a part of the game didn't make it off the ARRG bench, as we were absolutely slaughtered by London, who skated faster, cleaner and much more aggressively than our lassies. The final score was something like 150-47, which is bad even by England-Scotland standards (burn).

Still, it was a fun time...no blood but a lot of wipeouts, including one player who took out a referee on her way into the front row of the spectators. Now that, my friends, is falling with style.  Also, and I am not looking to get myself into any Tracy Morgan-type trouble here, but the stereotypes are true. I'm not saying there were a lot of lesbians there or anything, but the bleachers were pretty much an illustrated guide to buzzcuts.

The only thing I like more than watching athletes in peak physical condition perform at the top of their game, is sitting on my ass eating junk food afterward. And so what better way to end a day of observed exertion than with CAKE?! (Rhetorical question, by the way...if you are dumb enough to think the answer is anything other than cake, you should not be reading this blog). And so we had cake and talked shit about the ARRG players who could probably have ripped our arms off and used them for toothpicks, had they been so inclined. Ah, connoisseurship.

All in all, a good day, though it has left me wondering whether I should give up on this crazy academic pipe dream and devote myself full-time to become a derby skater. Step one: learn to skate.