Starbow

My experience in Scotland thus far has been dominated by two things. No, not whiskey and haggis, not kilts and bagpipes, not even wool and plaid. Behold, the omnipresent joy and salvation of my life:

Starbucks and Strongbow. Or, as they would be termed if they were the two halves of a celebrity couple, Starbow. This name also makes me picture one of those 1980s cartoon superheroes, a la He-Man or Jem.

Apparently Starbow is actually Green Arrow. My everlasting love for all things tights and quivers now makes so much sense.

For those of you not in the know/Scotland, Strongbow is a hard cider and invariably the most reliable thing on tap in a country that believes beer should be served thick, warm and flat. It's also usually the cheapest--Strongbow for the win!

Starbucks is the secret leader of the free world and the unacknowledged father of both Stephen Hawking and Madonna. Who are twins.

Anyway, while reviewing my finances in an attempt to whittle my spending down even closer to the poverty line, I became aware of the rather inordinate amount of money I was spending on Starbow. It seems to constitute roughly 15% of my monthly expenditures--fifeteen percent. On lattes and fermented juice. This is extreme, I think. After doing the math, I confronted my soul and realized that I have developed a usage pattern in which I need the Starbucks to get up and stay up during the day and the Strongbow to come back down. This, my friends, is called an addiction cycle and makes me wonder if "Starbow" is, in fact, the street name for the student drug of choice, a vicious caffeine and ethanol speedball that is the true culprit behind the walk of shame.

On a related note, can you tell my papers are due at the end of the month?